September 28, 2013

• Too Much To Remember

  So I'm writing it down here.  Couldn't sleep (you'll know why later), it's 3:18 a.m. this second and ...

  1. Read Walgreen instructions

  2. Feed dogs

  3. Write (doing that now)

  4. Canteloupe

  5. LEONES-ANELES

  6. Check email

  7. I miss the Daily News

  1.  I changed over from Liberty to Walgreens on the diabetes testing kit and I'm having a devil of a time with the new kit.  Tother day when I was at the doctor's office I had to wait and wait and wait and because I had to keep a movie date with my wife I just didn't have time to make them sit down and show me how the new kit worked. 

  1A.  Not on my list above, but it's irritating as hell to type on Xanga and have to keep it in one paragraph so as to keep the boldface (I'll indent later).  There must be an easier way. 

  2.  Because I got up so early, I have to remember to stop typing when it gets to be 4 or 4:30 so I can feed the dogs.  There's seven in the house at the moment.  My own five --  Yoo-Hoo, Dagmar, Max, Fritz, Margie -- and the two guests Guido and Harvey, whose owners are up in Maryland getting married this weekend. 

  3. Write.  By which I mean, not the rest of the crap 1-7 but THIS paragraph in which I cry out in pain over the anguish that kept me from sleeping in the first place. 

  Long long story.  Background.  Barbara house-sits for other people's dogs and there's lots of times I'm in the house alone wondering if and when Barbara's coming back home for lunch or dinner and if I make the mistake of just eating when I'm hungry, then sure as anything Barbara will waltz in the door and be disappointed that I didn't wait for her. 

  So anyway, Thursday night we were dining out and discussing the next day's plans and it's Gourmet Hamburger Day (a United Way fundraiser) at the hospital where I work and so Barbara jumps at the idea of meeting there for a burger, so she promises to call me sometime Friday morning to make plans for the day.  In my mind I know that Barbara will be sleeping late and might not call me till 9 or 10 in the morning.  I've promised her I will be at home waiting for her call.  (There's NO way for me to call her.  She just bought a cellphone not long ago but she doesn't know how to answer it or retrieve a message.  She has it so she can call out when she wants to.)

  I also know she wants to see Ron Howard's movie "Rush" and I want to see it too so I'm planning to suggest it when she calls on Friday and so ...

  Time goes by and she never calls!  10 a.m.  11 a.m.  (Hamburger's available between 11 and 3).  Noon.  1 p.m.  The lady Barbara's house-sitting for lives in a gated community and I can't get in but she's due home Friday evening and of course I'm worried Barbara might be lying dead in her kitchen and so I call the lady (Pat) who tells me she's still in Kansas (!) but the plane will be leaving soon and she'll only be an hour late getting home and Barbara is ALREADY shuttling between two house-sitting homes and doing multiple errands and getting a mammogram but anyway by the time Pat called me back (4 p.m.), I'd already heard from Barbara (3:40) via phone message because something weird happened when Barbara called and when I picked up the phone neither of us could hear the other and Barbara left the message saying she'd be home in an hour. 

  At 5:30 Barbara finally shows up with a few groceries (part of her Thursday night promise was that she'd cook dinner at home on Friday) and I allow as how I hadn't eaten at all because she was supposed to call regarding Gourmet Hamburger Day and she said, for the one and only time Friday in a sincere voice, "I forgot.  I'm sorry."  I thought I reacted appropriately, accepting the apology but repeating that it was fairly urgent that we eat soon as I hadn't eaten all day waiting for her call and she replied somewhat sarcastically that I should have taken care of myself (totally forgetting how mad she gets when I eat before she gets home even on days when we had made no plans whatsoever!) and anyway, unbeknownst to her I'm not a complete idiot and I did wolf down two packages of nuts and four delicious cookies that were lying around, plus a can of soda -- all needed because I hadn't checked my sugar that morning because I was nursing my left-over Liberty equipment to make it last until I have time to figure out the Walgreen's and I was feeling light-headed so the nuts and the cookies and the soda took care of me well enough but didn't spoil my appetite for the gourmet hamburger that I never got to eat! 

  So anyway, Barbara said it would take too long to cook a meal so we went out to eat (another expensive restaurant dinner that I can't really afford because you wouldn't believe how many times we eat out instead of eat in) and here's the thing. 

  I don't do well with hearing nothing but sarcasm from the wife that I love (unless she's screaming and I don't like that either) and even though it's Barbara who's completely at fault here, she doesn't understand that that's the case because she's completely insane. 

  I say that in all sincerity.  Believe it or not, most of the time we get along OK and on her good days she doesn't even remember how impossible she can be on the bad days. 

  And so this is how we get through life.  My marching orders (from the therapist) are not to escalate, and the louder Barbara talks the softer I have to talk, and Barbara's marching orders (from the same therapist) are to be clear, concise and direct but Barbara has no concept of what that means.  She tries.  She really does.

  So do I.

  Close to 4 a.m.  It's time to feed the dogs.  More later, maybe.  Also, I'll eat the canteloupe that will be turning to garbage if I don't eat it soon.

  • 3:57 am
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